How The Rockies Can Get Shohei Ohtani

The front lines of the MLB offseason have been quiet, but this is what’s to be expected with a free agent field bolstered with talent. Every team is waiting for one particular move to be made, one franchise-altering decision to finally be announced. If you follow baseball then you undoubtedly already know this and have been waiting patiently for the news to break. You understand this player’s unique set of skills and abilities. He’s the unicorn that’s been shackled in the land of Anaheim, playing for a dysfunctional franchise the likes of which Colorado fans are very familiar with.

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The Lost Art Of License Plates

As far as license plates go, Colorado has one of the best designs in the country. Green background; white mountains. Simplicity at its finest. We’re not Alaska or Hawaii, but the standard issue plates of Colorado are a colorful and unique embodiment of the state known for the snow-capped Rocky Mountains and high elevation.

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The Ten-Year Anniversary Of This Is The End
Ten years ago I saw This Is The End for the first time. For those who lived a sheltered life, this was a creation from Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg that saw nearly everyone who was a part of Knocked Up, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and Pineapple Express all congregate onto one set, to make a completely outlandish...
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Indiana Title 2
Ten Lessons From Raiders Of The Lost Ark
It’s amazing. Harrison Ford, Nazis, reunited love, a car chase that goes on forever and the release of a godly power no man is capable of utilizing. I don’t know what else to say. It brings me back up when the going gets tough.
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I Watched Bupkis
The lives of celebrities often feel comparable to a show. Maybe it’s not a good show, but it’s one of those shows people can’t seem to look away from, like seeing a train set ablaze, steaming down the tracks with an incapacitated conductor, heading right towards a nursery, a disaster in the making. The...
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MLB: New York Mets at Colorado Rockies-Game One
Some Appreciation For The Cold Opening Day
It’s beautiful. Earth is not yet ready for baseball but baseball doesn’t care. That’s mainly because there’s a ridiculous 162 games that need to be played, and if we don’t start when a majority of the states are still escaping from winter’s grip, then things just won’t add up. So, America’s pastime is...
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Part Time Worker
Tales Of A Part-Time Employee
I don’t talk about where I work. Anyone who has worked as a part-time employee—call it hourly, retail, lackey, regardless of the term it’s a job where you're a small piece of the bigger machine—can resonate with this to a certain extent. Sometimes the reluctance to speak about work stems from the number...
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Movie theater - Newsweek
It's Perfectly Normal To See A Movie By Yourself (Or, The Review of Puss In Boots: The Last Wish)
I’d like to preface this piece by saying that a lot of people do a lot of weird things, and if the epitome of my weirdness is going to the movies by myself—and if the subscript to that specific weirdness is going alone to see an animated movie as a 25-year-old—then I’d say it’s a perfectly normal activity...
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Venmo's Social Currency
There’s boredom and then there’s the level of boredom someone reaches when they begin to swipe through their Venmo feed. Certainly it’s not a level of desperation that would lead them to Facebook, the wasteland reserved for everyone’s aunts and uncles and parents to entertain themselves with.
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Rambo Has Feelings Too
It feels like I should’ve seen this a long time ago. I can imagine a thirteen-year-old me stuck at home during winter break with nothing to do other than glue my eyes to a television screen and my Dad—in his ever obsession with war movies and any type of military-related media—would turn on First Blood...
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Love And Ridicule In The Time Of Reality Television
Watching The Bachelorette has cleared up a couple things for me: there may be no good people left in this world, and epicaricacy is America’s national pastime. I’m sure plenty are sounding out epicaricacy at this very moment as they try to connect the dots between this cumbersome word and a show where...
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Belly Up
When wildfires surge in the mountains across the state you feel guilty because you lather your dying yard with water hoping the green hue will return. Your neighbors don't wave to you because of this. The neighbors search through the recycling bins of every house in the neighborhood. They wear sandals...
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